Know Which Men to Need

Espousing the belief that, as a woman, I do not need a man is a rather faulty position, when the fact remains that spiritually we were created as complements of one another. In all of Creation you will find the Divine self expressing itself in ways that are primarily either masculine or feminine. My own spiritual beliefs cause me to understand that neither is complete; neither fully defines or encapsulates what or who the Creator IS without being paired with its opposite. Thus, up cannot be fully understood unless we know down, and loud is nothing without silence. And woman is incomplete without man.

When I find myself expressing my Divine self, I have to acknowledge that I do so primarily as a woman. To some degree I can hold and express masculine qualities but I cannot deny the truth of my earthly limitations. I do exist within a womanly body. I have a womb which allows me to bear children and breasts which allow me to nurture them. I have a soft heart and an emotional disposition. I am not unnecessarily irrational but I allow love and compassion to play a large part in my relationships with others.

The hurtful, painful part comes about when we, as women, fail to hold standards upon which we evaluate the men in our lives. When we give our hearts, bodies, and minds away to members of the opposite sex solely on the virtue of their possession of a penis. The mistake is not in trusting men, but in trusting the wrong men.

I consider myself fortunately to be part of a spiritual system which instructs me on how to know whether or not I am dealing with people who are living their lives in accordance with the same standards, values, and morals as me. When I find myself interacting with someone who believes in truth and justice and who is daily working to maintain his righteous character, what would be my reason not to trust him? When I know that his life is devoted to God, and his respect for Divine law guides his every decision, action, thought, and word, then I can trust this man, because his life is in God, and I can surely trust the Creator.

When I choose to put my hopes, dreams, trust, and faith in a man who has not proven to be right or righteous, who has not proven to be a man of intellect, reason, and goodness, who does not believe in a higher power or who does not devote his life to God, then I am gambling with my own physical and emotional well-being. For if this man will play loosely with his own life, what will he do when I put mine in his hands?

At the end of the day, every heterosexual woman who has ever said she doesn't need a man... WANTS one. No woman wants to live alone, and no woman would choose a life without a family and a mate if the option were presented to her. So choose to hold the men in your life to a higher standard and expect him to be a strong, intelligent, righteous, devoted, and ethical man that you can trust to fulfill his responsibilities towards you as a man, and to respect and appreciate your womanhood. A man with whom you are glad to respect, honor, and love.

Snt Embahra

Accept The Unacceptable

By Saundra Bunton


In the movie Kung Fu Panda, the wise elder Oogway reminds the sensei that we must relinquish the illusion of control. “Yes,” he says, “you can control where to plant the seeds. But no matter how badly you want this tree to be an apple tree, or a pear tree, it will never grow into anything but a peach tree. It can only be what it is.”

I was not expecting such wisdom to attack me in the middle of a children’s cartoon movie, but I was delightfully impressed by the wisdom displayed in the movie, particularly in the scene quoted above. Here is a lesson, I thought, that most adults have a hard time understanding or digesting on a regular basis. How many problems could we solve in this world if people truly understood that “it can only be what it is.”

In order to survive in this world we have to have relationships with other people, and I don’t just mean romantic relationships either. We have to speak to our boss at work and deal with the people who collect tickets on the train. We sometimes have to ask questions at the supermarket and we have to be prepared to interact with the cashiers. We cannot get through an entire day without speaking to or dealing with another person in some capacity and we certainly cannot determine who that person will be.

What we can determine is who that person will meet when you interact with them. What person are you going to be? Are you determined to remain steadfast or are you going to allow them to affect your reality?

The truth is, you cannot force another person to cosign your reality and you cannot make them be who you want them to be. But you can choose to be strong enough in your convictions that they cannot negatively influence you without your permission.

The people around us can only be who they are, who they have chosen to be. It is up to us to choose who it is we want to be.

Snt Embahra

Bailing Out Our Genitals

By Cherina Jones


Conservatives never want to talk about sex honestly. A lot of them are religious zealots who avoid the subject all together. They implore teenagers to practice abstinence, as if they never got that funny sensation between their legs at the age of 12. Sure abstinence is all about self control, but it is a hard sell when teenagers are misinformed about sex to begin with. Meanwhile, while conservatives pat their backs about how pure thinking and upstanding they are, some 13 year old virgin is getting piped down in the back of a minivan somewhere in Minnesota—yes, it’s not just hood children who have a problem with keeping their dicks in their pants.

We don’t want to talk about AIDS. We don’t want to talk about teen pregnancy, but we tend to bump our gums in judgment when teens become pregnant or contract AIDS. We should come out of the womb knowing exactly how our bodies function and what is and is not good for them?
Please, we’re not hardly that evolved.

I was amused by Ruben Navarrette Jr. commentary about some of the items listed in Obama’s (and the democrits) bailout plan. He is highly critical of the millions of dollars being given for child care, STD prevention and birth control. He doesn’t buy into this being a good way to stimulate the economy. I don’t completely buy the resolve either, especially for a quick fix. I do think it is absurd to argue the disassociation between population and economy, because I am sure if some families had less mouths to feed they could pay for that heat that was just sliced five minutes ago. To me, the math is easy. That is not to say we don’t appreciate our little bundles of joy, but some of us love them because they’re here, not because we planned it that way. No one plans eight children on a $29,000 a year income—no one.

I got all red and bothered inside when he said “You know the nation's cupboard is bare when politicians propose limiting the number of births as a way of improving the economy. That's a conversation we shouldn't be having.” Don’t get me wrong Rube, I think that is a lot of money towards a long term solution, especially since we need a more “right now” solution. But, when are we suppose to have this conversation? If the world were left up to conservatives we’d NEVER have the conversation. People who want to have sex are not bad people, nor are they disobeying God, and although having or not having sex is about self control, it is a natural body function and craving. People are going to have sex, there, I said it. Preaching about how precious your daughter’s virginity is, is sweet, even little house on the prairie like, but believe me, she is no Laura Ingalls. Sure, ideally we would like our children’s first sexual experience to be with someone they’ll be with forever, reproduce with and have beautiful children. Many people, MANY people don’t experience this story, and no matter how much you illustrate it as being the best way, it rarely becomes a reality.

Now that we are back to planet earth, it’s fair to say that conservatives need to loosen their belts a bit. You’re kid will probably have sex before they go to college, and I’m not talking the night before you pack the car either. Educating people in general, will indeed help our economy. Information helps people make better decisions. I believe that hands down. When we send our wild youth into the wilderness with their genitalia, we NEED to make sure they have the information they need to hopefully NOT have sex—but they will, so we can either accept it or continue to let them die or grow up in “non-traditional” homes with little to no support. The decision is ours.

The Sanctity of Questionable Behavior

By Cherina Jones



I came across this video on a message board. In general I was disgusted. My secondary thought was that I was afraid for these women. My last, but somehow not so fleeting thought was, rape. Young women are often preached to about how to present themselves. We are taught to act like young ladies, hands folded, legs crossed, and encouraged to hold unto our virginities for the right man. Men are taught that “men are men,” as a subtle way to say, “put your dick anywhere.” The double standards between men and women at times makes no sense to me, and to teach young men that lack of self control is OK or a trait of being a man is pretty played at this point.

The question was asked, whether or not these women deserved to be touched. You would think a resounding “hell no” would cover it, but men and women alike argue that what you have on can give others the right to make you a sexual buffet. Really? Don’t get me wrong, I think a lot of women dress for attention and that speaks to insecurities, and I am sure they expect and want men to notice. It however becomes an issue of safety when a woman can grab the attention of a mob of men, tempting them to act—tempting, not telling.

Sure, when you go to the club, expect inappropriate things to happen. Nice conversation and an exchange about what your favorite movie is, is probably not going to happen. To expect to be respected is not so unrealistic, but horniness and alcohol does not produce a respectable night.

The moral of this story is simple really, even though we know how men should act, we need to be real honest with ourselves as women as to how they are going to act. I saw the angry faces of some of these women in that video, who walked through that crowd of men—drive by ass slapping in progress. But as women we have the responsibility to be mindful as well. Wear what you wear, but if you don’t want to be touched, slapped or fondled, why test the waters by sashaying through a crowd of sexually uncontrolled men who clearly can’t keep their hands to themselves? Women who do this WANT the attention, but they are not prepared most times for when that want becomes reality and spirals out of control. Yeah I know homegirl, you should be able to walk down the street butt ass naked, daring a muthafucka to touch your voluptuous bod (yes bod), but that is not how a lot of men choose to act when you go to clubs like these. Be mindful, travel in groups and most of all, carry your mace.

In My Ear. Out My Head

By Cherina Jones

Every year the title of “greatest rapper alive” gets passed around like black eyed peas at Thanksgiving dinner. Old and new rappers alike are boastful about how the have or will change the “game.” The conversation has become boring and frankly mainstream rap seems to be more defined by who produces, rather than who spits on a track. Back in the day when a song came on the radio, you didn’t have to sit through 30 seconds of a the producer shouting his/her name at the beginning of a track.

Sure, any song that you want to popularize needs to be catchy. You need a dope hook that is virtually unforgettable. Now a days you have to also have some kind of unique appeal (read as “swag”). Shit, it seems like all you need now is a hook and a dream—ask Soulja Boy. It’s not a diss, and it’s not “hate” either. There is a hell of a lot of room for listeners to be critical of artists, and quite frankly the wackness needs to come to a indefinite pause.

I could be wrong though. Perhaps mainstream hip hop is morphing into something that will win back some of its once loyal listeners; maybe she is just experiencing growing pains and we need to be patient. Although I grew up in the eighties, I’m not married to the 80’s hip hop music. Despite my criticisms of the mainstream rap game, I’m pretty open to new music and the evolution of rap music, but our expectations of mainstream rap have become virtually obsolete. We fall back and praise the underground cats for their heart and love for what many may characterize as “real” hip hop music. But underground means just that, underground. It means that “real” hip hop is NOT getting into the hands of mainstream rap heads.

Real hip hop doesn’t have anything to do with “consciousness,” a word so inappropriately and carelessly used by many people. I have heard some people say that no one wants to hear that conscious shit all the time—I agree, we don’t. I like to shake my ass like the next person, but I am completely turned off when a raw beat hits my speaker and some self proclaim “greatest” begins to mumble unconscionable phrases, filling the track with braggadocio rants, and call that shit dope. It seems like the hunger for the art itself is missing, clever word play is inconsistent, solid rhyme schemes are no longer needed, and unique storytelling seems to be a thing of the past.

I know people are trying to get their pockets lined correctly. Hip Hop has become quite the lucrative business venture for many cats. Smart people such as Jay-z, Russell Simmons and Sean Combs have turned their love for Hip Hop into corporate cash cows, and it has worked successfully for them. When the motivation is money though, doing anything for a buck becomes quite the reality. It becomes about a look, about your swag. You retire your pen and you become a puppet, allowing white men in suits to pull your strings and control your tongue.

I love music, period. I listen to a lot of shit, but I think the quality of mainstream rap music has hit an all time low. I’m all for creativity, but some things are not creative. Having your shit all over the radio doesn’t always mean you're the most talented person, sometimes it just means you have some EXCELLENT PR people.

Radio and music executives will tell you, they play music the people want, but I am a member of “the people,” and I surely didn’t ask for this shit.

Cultural Common Sense

By Cherina Jones


It was wrong for AirTran to kick a Muslim family of seven off of its plane. Anyone who believes differently has successfully played into the bigoted corporate thug politics of a lot of American companies. I’m not surprised in the least to be reading this. If a white family of seven had been discussing amongst themselves, where the safest place to sit on a plane was, I am sure they could have found three or more people to chime into their pondering. Shit, I think about it every time I board a plane, “If this plane were to fall, am I safer over the wing, on the engine or next to the captain?” I had no idea thinking such a thing could get me ushered off a plane and stuck in a small room looking at FBI agents. Thank GOD I kept my thoughts to myself.

Any idiot should understand the tragedy in all of this. It is another reminder that white supremacy is still doing the shuffle on our so called American liberties. These kinds of stories further prove how often Muslims are demonized in this country. It makes me wonder if we all are a bit too reluctant in championing intolerance of this kind. The myth of the homogenization of racial bias in this country is dangerous. Shunning cultures and sub-cultures further confuses this Rubik’s cube of colors and heritages we call America. Quite frankly I think a lot of us need to get over ourselves. The moronic concerns of passengers on that plane were addressed because of the intolerance stained in the centers of their logic. We’ve disallowed genuine experiences with others based upon what we’ve heard with our ears and not touched with our hands.

Apologies are cool—I can dig a nice big sincere one, but I doubt that this corporate sponsored apology was heart felt. Fuck culture sensitivity courses, instead, how about we just stop taking ourselves so seriously. We can avoid a lot of dumb shit that way.

Escaping Reality; Come Back to Earth

By Glennisha Morgan

On a daily basis most of us escape reality without even knowing it. Every time we turn on the television in attempt to watch a show we’re escaping reality. Even watching “reality” TV is escaping reality. When we read books and magazines we take seconds away from our own lives to peer into others even if they are fiction. Sometimes we don’t even need things like television and books to escape reality. We may often find ourselves in a daze while painting fantasy like pictures in our minds. This, like the rest helps us escape.

Sometimes we may not even realize what exactly we’re escaping from. Maybe it’s a rough day at work or an ongoing argument with a significant other. It doesn’t always have to be that deep either. We may escape something as simple as minor stress from standing in a long line at the grocery store or trouble finding a parking space. There is nothing wrong with escaping reality but, sometimes we need to come back to earth.

When we become too far gone in a fantasy world we tend to forget what’s real. There is a problem when you can’t see the forest from the trees. If you notice that you’re a little out of touch with the “real world” I’d advise that you turn off the television, put down the magazines, and stop fantasizing.